Stop saying"detox". You sound like an idiot.

douche-green-smoothie

5 Alternatives to the stupid detox craze:

Remember this old propaganda? 

"Every woman should know how important vaginal douching is to feminine cleanliness, health, charm and happiness."  I want to puke. 

Or how about this douche add for Zonite: 

"You can be sure Zonite does kill every reachable germ and keeps them from multiplying!"  Ok, now I'm puking.

In the past, douching was the coochie-couture thing to do. Somehow women (and men) were convinced that the female body was incapable of cleaning and regulating itself. (Interesting side note; Lysol was a favorite coochie cleaner.) As you can guess, that didn't go so well. These extra "cleaning" products put a damper on the feminine factory, and the douches were ditched. 

You know what’s better than any of that?

ACTUALLY TAKING A CRAP!
— Becky Crowther

Here is some mind-blowing news; our bodies are born with a built-in detox system and, for most of us, this system works fantastically!  If you have a liver, skin, kidneys, lymphatic system, colon, and a brain, you are good to go. If you've consumed a dangerous dose of _________ (really, you could insert about any substance here i.e drugs, alcohol, vitamin A) - to the extent that the organs are overwhelmed - you don't fix it by drinking a green shake. When overdoses and toxicities actually occur, medical intervention, in the forms of stomach pumping, dialysis, and/or blood transfusions, would be the proper treatment - not lemon water with a dash of cayenne pepperIt is rare for our bodies to accumulate harmful toxins or chemicals in our natural environment because they are filtered out by the liver and kidneys. If someone is experiencing pesticide poisoning or heavy-metals metal poisoning, they aren't going to be dealing with a little bit of fatigue, bloating, and pimples. This person would be in the intensive care unit at a hospital hanging on for dear life. 

Haven't we learned from the infamous douche?  Here we are, once again, trying to fix something that isn't broken. We've decided it would be a good idea to dismiss the brilliant filtering system of the body and "detox" it ourselves. The premise that your body is incapable of homeostasis, and that you need detox pads on the bottom of your feet and a gallon of apple cider vinegar every day is total crap! You know what's better than any of that? ACTUALLY TAKING A CRAP! 

Would you like to do something that's actually effective? Start with these 5 earth-shattering, astonishing "fixes" for all those blasted "toxins":

1. Drink water.

2. Get good sleep.

3. Get your antioxidants by eating a balanced diet with lots of fruits and vegetables.

4. Move your body and break a sweat; let the body clean out those pores.

5. Get your fiber, and don't underestimate the power of a good bowel movement. 

Becky's take home lesson for the day: 

GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY. Let the body do it's job. Treat it well. Don't let the media, weight loss industry, or your best friends neighbor convince you that you're broken. 

And for heaven's (or hell's) sake, ditch the douche!